Don’t settle for shallow

In my twenties, I moved from the UK to New York and didn’t know a single person.

No community, connections, or insider invites.

This was before soundbaths, sauna popups and run clubs were cool…

So I met people the old fashioned way. 

And starting out as a nightclub promoter, my career relied on it.

I made myself a deal: every time I went out, I’d aim to meet three people I genuinely liked.

Not just someone with a cool job or someone who might be “useful” later, but someone I actually felt a connection with.

If I met three, exchanged details, and followed up to hang again, I was doing something right.

The momentum here spiralled fast.

I started introducing new friends to old ones. Noticing who had good energy.

And over time, I built a chosen family in the city.

A wild mix of people from Holland, South America, the UK, all over… 

We connected over music and dancing.

Which was escapism. But also belonging.

In a city full of ambition and anonymity, we found connection.

That’s what always moved me most. Way more than the velvet ropes, celebrities, and high-profile scenes.

It was the feeling.

The glance across the room when the beat dropped.

The late-night conversations about life and dreams and heartbreak.

The energy in a space when everyone’s present. Not posturing, not performing, just there.

Eventually, the lifestyle started to burn me out. Five nights a week out until 4am adds up!

I craved something more purposeful and less fleeting.

Not nights to forget but days to remember.

And so I moved to LA and The KINN was born: a space built on everything I learned in the nightlife world, but flipped inside out.

Swap fog machines and strobe lights for soft lighting and vintage furniture.

Swap cocktails and chaos for coffee and clarity.

Upstairs is for flow. The kind of focused work that moves your life forward.

Downstairs is for connection. A curated community, a modern-day salon, a new kind of social ritual.

Most workspaces suck... Fluorescent lights. Cheap chairs. Plastic lined paper cups.

It’s no wonder people burn out. 

But the research is clear: when you shape your outer world, you shift your inner world.

The books on your shelf.

The art on your walls.

The people in your orbit.

At The KINN, we place pictures of icons by the stairs so they’re the first thing you see before you look in the mirror alongside the staircase.

When you walk by, you can ask, who am I becoming? 

And the answer to that is almost always found in your relationships.

The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.

It’s how I became someone in the nightlife world without a trust fund or a last name anyone recognized.

It’s how I ended up sitting at tables with celebrities at Amfar during the Cannes Film Festival, going to Victoria’s Secret shows, in rooms where I technically didn’t belong… except I did.

Because I’d built something real with people who felt it too.

So many people settle. In work, in love, in surface level community.

But there’s no rule saying you can’t be discerning and intentional.

You’re allowed to build your life, and your business, around connection that actually fuels you.

So here’s the prompt I’ll leave you with:

Do you have relationships that feel too transactional, when deep down, you’re craving something more real?

Why not go one question deeper the next time you ask “How’s it going?”

Why not ask someone what kind of music they’re into, or what they’re excited about, or what they’re trying to create in the world?

And think about how you can go out of your way to meet new people. 

Don’t settle for shallow.

Not in your friendships, your work, or the way you move through the world.

And soak up the aliveness waiting for you on the other side.

– Oliver

PS. If you, or someone you know is great at connection-based sales and wants to help grow our community of impact entrepreneurs in LA…

We’re hiring a sales rep for our Public Speaking course.

→ You can view the job application here

Or feel free to pass it along to the right fit!